Parental Loyalties

In the course of our lives we constantly 'bump' into our parents again and again. The 'bumps' are our own adopted behavior patterns...our attitudes...which cause us uncertainty in our decision making processes. In these 'bumpy' places exists quite a potential for re-learning.....beyond what we absorbed from parental example. You'll notice I used "absorbed" rather than "learned" because it is more easily understood  that the 'bumps' may be because parental example was either misunderstood during 'adoption' or....by its recurring use.....  has shown itself to be problematic for some reason.
During the holiday season is an excellent time to watch for clues as to how these 'problematic' attitudes approach us......for we are generally "put on high-alert" in strong emotional cycles such as holidays. For example there may be a certain family scene such as a sibling who always brings up some past issue and, though it was years ago, continuously uses it to dominate the family scene. Even though this issue is one we may expect.....we worry needlessly in a family habit ( which is also a family scene).....and begin  a reactionaty attitude in us. In part.....it is the subtlety of "wavelength" which helps to draw the issue to the forefront. Our expectation of its recurrence will contribute to just that. In the study of my parents and their relationship......and their lack of it.......I have slowly over time....found most....if not all of the keys for dealing with these problems.
Both my mother and father had the same little "toolkit" of attitudes and while one was "acting out" in one 'fashion'......the other was 'feeding' the issue in another. This is because they did not recognize these family patterns in themselves........or valued them more than they were aware that all expression is 'role playing'. The old man was a philanderer and a drifter of sorts....carrying a 'wandering spirit' all his life......too restless to stay with one situation  from too many poor examples 'fed' to him as a Metis child of the early 20th century. He would have suffered social demoralizing because of his rebel status much like southern white and blacks suffered relevant to the slavery issue. The rebellion of 1885 was barely 27 years before he was born......and there were no psyche counselors for such a thing in those days. My mother on the other hand....was born 'po-white-trash' and grew up under strong Methodist parents in the depression era. She was bright and as such....excelled in school and was favored by her mother and father. This background established classic co-dependent tendencies for both parents.......both seeking recognition and acceptance from a culture at war with itself . The second world war made Dad bitter and reclusive....... his bitterness and distrust of others proof of his 'poor me'..... but it helped make Mother a classic "caretaker"....in the gregarious way.....who needed martyrdom to feed her 'poor-me' personality parts. These facts create a magnetism which exists in all hero/villian cultures the world over...and carry forward by community consensus generation after generation after generation.
These parental attitudes instilled certain loyalties in my basic character in the 1st 21 months of my life......the period between gestation and 1 year old.  After  that time......the portrait I painted of myself never strayed too far from these "loyalties" so I was able to alter the 'program' marginally......at best. When I began to have broad experiences in epiphanies around 16-17yrs....the structures that I clung to became weaker and weaker. There were many years following where my 'faces' were masked in insecurities. I went forward at times with the boldness of a warrior only to suddenly find myself against one of those early learned 'loyalties'. It has taken many years of effort to change the automatic response mechanisms in myself. None of this was easy simply because none of the other 'adoption' was easy . We have to want to continuously change our views in life and keep at it for there are no true plateaus.......no simple rights and wrongs..... no final correctness of behavior........no perfect morality. The truth lies between the margin of social awareness and the attempt to strip away the 'social codes'. Certain facets of my "parental loyalties" have even helped me acquire release from their dogmas. One of the most powerful tools 9 of 10 people have is the use of self-hypnosis or visualization and the technique of auto-suggestion to deal with these matters. I am the 10th person........who shut all that off a long time ago.......and had to learn to see 3dimensional life as an on-going dream.......to deal with my past. It is a lot tougher 'row to hoe'......to be sure. If you still possess the ability to slip from alpha to theta.......you are fortunate because you can make change effective much quicker. I know this as fact for it is one of the things I've taught many others how to re-learn and use. If you have the gift intact still..........and don't use it purposely..........then you are fooling yourself because the only "god or goddess" of true value to learn from....is the one deep inside your mind. No external "other" can ever accomplish for you what your own can.