"Lily"

she whispered words so gently

a melody like in song

her words of love so simple

as if I owned them all along

she spoke a quick ferocity

its cadence life and death

enforced by body language

under hurriedness of breath

she gave herself so tenderly

a composer of love's tune

and the spell from all my worries

vanished in the beltane moon

I stand naked in her vision

and convention falls astray

as I learn that only honest love

stirs the heart the proper way

"collective soul necessary"

As a definition of the natural spiraling circular manner in which pure "consciousness", as a complete force, is manifested by its own circular path from the beginning of a tangible equation (or world).....through all its expanding and contracting growth expressions.....until the natural rules regarding tangibility ( physical expression)......have completed their dimension. In other words....until the time limit runs its course.
Maybe....just for argument sake.....worlds like ours exist in triplicate as....
1. a physical governed by the laws of thermo-dynamics....
2. illusion to form governed by the quantum-mechanics.....
3. in a pure formless energy as the source of all creation.

a. The more solid the form.........the slower the vibrational rate in order to create molecular structure or mass.
b. Give it a faster vibration and molecules move more freely among themselves to allow for a change in magnetic specificity thus re-forming or evolution.
c. Remove all dynamic and all molecular form vanishes in a union of principles.
So....the idea of you and I as specific entities regenerating from lifetime to lifetime is actually only a creative process........once we recognize desire as the re-forming force of the quantum-mechanic our individual thinking processes begin changing to become more inclusive than exclusive.
When that happens we begin a slow process of overall desire (ego) loss as the creation (planet) moves towards full unity......and thus dissipation.
If humanbeings are the crown of creation.....then the 88% portion of the mind which lies essentially dormant, yet available, may come into fruition through intelligence in the form of ever-widening awareness.

the Effort to Change.........Breaking a habit.....

 Have you ever wondered why it is so hard to change a habit? I don't mean changing the way you habitually walk to school or the toothpaste you use. Now...you know me better than that so lets get into it. I'm talking about anything and everything from nose-picking to heroin use. How many of you have the habit of picking your nose with your finger and forgetting to wash your hands....say....while waiting for a traffic light to change? Have you found yourself doing this while daydreaming about something you have to do later in the week? Be honest, because this habit seems hardly as destructive as heroin use but it is a habit worth consideration for it is one that we've all experienced.

 Consider the junkie....the average street junkie or middle-class teenager experimenting only to find one day there is a gnawing pain in their stomach which will not diminish without a fix. This habit is a psychosomatic need of major proportion and, unless it changes, their health and every comfort they have will diminish rapidly in short order as need for  the drug consumes all their focus. Yet......it is just a habit....like nose-picking....and it can be eliminated by proper administering to the underlaying cause. I know.....because I came very close to adopting a heroin  habit when I was about 18.  DO you like that use of the word 'adopt' ? After all most of our habits are adoptions....and I suspect even extreme examples like fetal alcohol syndrome fit the idea. I've seen people quit heroin, cold turkey, after their habit had reached nearly 200$ a day. Mind you, this person had a will like a lion and was capable of many things. He was also one of the most brilliant souls I've ever known. But I digress.

So why is it so hard to quit doing something habitually? The answer is because a habit is emotionally discovered, developed, and maintained. Its easy for some to go into a detox unit, for example, and clean themselves of the drug problem. We see this kind of treatment happen all around us in the celebrity news and often personally with a family member or friend.  Many, many times..... this person returns to the habit after  trying to change because they cannot maintain the change. Why? They cannot handle the unfamiliarity with which sobriety makes them feel. Their emotions are what drive them back to the habit because they've only addressed the symptom...................not the source.

The source of the emotions which fund the habit are what must be addressed and until that takes place one will continue returning to the old way of acting because it is what one actually knows how best to feel comfortable with. Herein is where the problem becomes very difficult to deal with.

Our emotional habits affect every part of every minute of every task we do every day. The hands that are typing at this keyboard are moving within a spectrum which includes a habit of eyesight and hand/finger coordination. I learned to use a keyboard about 12 years ago....but I never created a proper typing habit....so I developed my own style...commonly called  hunt'n'peck. Think about that. I have a tenth grade education which as you can see above.....isn't much on paper. My typing is also filled with images of what I wish to say and with how much concise clarity I wish to type it......emotion!   If I don't feel as though I've expressed my idea well enough, I'll edit it until I get it right......emotion! So it could be argued that I had a chance once through a computer course to learn the proper art of typing but I didn't because I had a BAD habit..... of screwing around in a classroom....which is exactly correct! The habit developed from feeling left out of the family 'loop', so to speak, and in turn the clown/fuck-up/black sheep/bad boy became the habit to get me the attention I needed to fill my emotional needs. So I've had to develop a poor habit of hunt'n'peck typing which is still....typing.....to fund my emotional need to express myself  ! Hey.....I`m having an epiphany! I almost became a junkie at 18 because I was driven by an emotional need/habit to express myself in a very dangerous scenario.........avoidance.....the way I felt treated as a child! More EMOTION!! Damn.....how far back does this crap go?

Well......it goes a hell of a long way back.....in all of us....no one is unscathed.....all the way back to the very first day mom and dad did the deed which birthed the seed. So you see....whether the habit is nose-picker or junkie, wife beater or flunkie, boozer or buddhist, trumpeteer or flautist......we are the result of an adoption of one emotional habit on top of another after another after another. And even when we receive social accolades from our peer associations we are able to fall apart and find ourselves face down in the gutter of our personal stack of habits.....because so many of these habits originate in the stack.....as flawed, partial, predjudiced, emotional needs.

 So take time my friends...when you encounter your little egos (habits)....whether you like what you see or not....and assess what it is that habitually put you where you are. By unstacking these stacks of habit....and being as objectively perspective....as possible at any point in your  stack...... of their ability to create personal peer approval ratings you WILL slowly, but surely, get past your pre-conceived notions of humanity.....reduce your demands you place on yourself......and become far more at ease with yourself and all others around you. 

"danu"

Samhain fires burn the fields among our gathered crops..

as trickles of our lifeblood flow from where all mankind sups..

gone his taunting solar flame, twas' quenched by her affirm..

unto this land for evermore, since Danu has returned.

To those of us who heed her call, from deep the dragon's lair...

all born again, as mother-men, who understand her despair...

her sorrow likens to a swell, of wave pushed by a wind...

its time to stop our plundering, and give her time to mend.

Danu ever brightly blue......our future may not last

Danu's fruitful images......hold keys to all our past

She gives new breath to all our gods and spreads the seeds of life...

to help us find a perfect way to change our fear to light..

two by two her dragon wings, will beat a clear sky path...

awakening creation's might, rebuilding love from wrath.

A dragon loves her Samhain flame, the circles where we dance...

it draws our souls back to her womb, its never happenstance..

the Goddess is the mystery, in what her will creates...

lay all the paths to unity, the cycles of the fates.

Danu ever brightly blue......our future may not last

Danu's fruitful images......hold keys to all our past

Circles in the fields of grain, will puzzle most mankind...

until all learn what we believe, is just collective mind...

it shows us all the majick in, the old earth mother's heart...

and starts the way to help us heal, all we've torn apart.

So take your hands and place them gently, at your mother's feet...

you'll learn again, she gives for free, all we really need...

for if we don't, through our neglect, delusion is the gain...

and all we've left is but memory, in concrete halls of shame.

Danu ever brightly blue......our future may not last

Danu's fruitful images......hold keys to all our past

karma......rational intellect

I often hear statements regarding Karma that sound so self-centered that I am amazed how many cannot grasp the simple concept of it. The popular notion is so riddled with judgement...a human invention...and philosophies of reincarnation....another human idea.....that construe the simplicity of Karma far beyond its limit. What do we think.....that there exists some unseen tribunal which scores us on performance as we live life? Holy smoke'n'mirrors Batman, but that sounds more like a Catholocized precept than an extrapolated
idea from a piece of Vedic prose. Then the idea continues with having to return through all these lifetimes until we get "it" right.
WTF is "it"??  Is "it" a life lived in perfect harmony with all other creation ? What.....I've gotta graze on the grass and twigs and such...well how in the hell do I survive a winter if I'm an Eskimo ? Or are they some lesser form of biped because they weren't born in the temperate zones ? And then I hear all about how they were some person of great public stature, terrible notoriety, or other outstanding performance.......but nobody ever says they wiped the King's ass for a job or cleaned the outhouses. After a while the popular ideas of karma make life so tough to live that one may as well strip naked and sit in the dirt.....or is that what all those meditating holy nit-wits want us to do ?
Well hold on a minute sez I !!   I think karma is way simpler than all that romantic manic nonsense. I think the earth is giving us all a great big graphic lesson in the theory of action/reaction right now. You can't exterminate everything else in your garden so just you can survive and if the whole earth is the garden...and we're just one of the many varieties that fill it.....then something is major out of balance. That something is the fascination we hoomans have with our reflections. We took a while to generate from the earlier forms we generated from....but maybe not that long because cro-magnon (modern man) hasn't been here but about 40-50thousand years..correct me if I'm wrong. That is a spit in a barrel to the millions of years that dinosaurs roamed this planet. And since about 30,000 ago we've consistently increased the rate of our species growth at the expense of all others to the point we now stand...which isn't very pretty when you consider ecological disasters. Maybe..........all karma really is.....is the way infinite intelligence....or God if you like.......rectifies the portion to the whole.....and in the case of rational intellect.....makes the rational intellect realize the idea of 'ration'......

So tell me......couldn't life as we now are experiencing it be just another phase of tangible intelligence manifesting itself in circular dimension ? Just a thought, because you are going to believe whatever gives you the most familiar comfort..........

Carry forward......

    Don't you love it when life seems to jump into cruise control and just goes along in 5th gear a bit above idle. That seems to be what is taking place right now. I have no pressing business to attend to other than repairing things around the homestead. I like it when I get to relax and just carry on without having to adopt a mindset to contend with some workplace crap. I'm not making any money right now but I've no immediate pressure to run around looking for a job either. The woman and I are prepping the house for paint inside to give it a fresh look as a selling enticement. I love working on my home though I must admit I'm probably one of the roughest carpenters alive. Suz has put more time and effort into this house than my former ever did and it shows. She is one of the hardest workers I've ever known and unafraid to tackle things she's never done.  
    A friend of ours remarked this year on how gentle we are with each other and how rarely we seem to argue. Now that does not mean we don't cajole and tease each other with accusatory banter etc because we certainly do, but we've worked our way through  every self-protective issue we've encountered. It is this fact which continues to support all I believe about who she is and the how and why I met her.  Some years back I realized how sensitive to argument she could be and it stood to reason considering the way her parents conduct themselves with the opposite sex. So I set a course for a more verbal relationship than the one she'd formerly had for most of her early adult years. She wanted an intelligent man with a strong belief system and though she wound up with me instead.....its obviously kept her interested.
    I soon figured out that her mom and dad had constantly bantered goodnaturedly with each other and remained friends after separation and divorce, though there were a few years of silence. It showed how much respect and real love existed between them even though they let their anger get the best of them. Suzanne is her mother's favorite simply because she has always stood close to her and isn't afraid of confronting Jeanine when she feels her mom is being unfair. Now her mother would never hurt her other children by such an admission but I know it is true. Sue has her mama's admiration in a lot of ways the others do not for the simple fact of her generosity of spirit, if nothing else. She's even got in mama's face about her attitude toward me a time or two....not that I needed the help.....and certainly I didn't deserve the assaults.....heh, heh, heh.
     During the course of coming to know Suz I realized she is a carbon of her mother in some strong basic ways such as a willingness to offer love and friendship to anyone who reached for them.  This made me realize that if I worked on her issues openly and let her see I wasn't afraid to confront my own fears....granted I was able to see them..... we stood a wonderful chance of having this union continue growing no matter what we encounter. After the long way I created for myself, learning slowly to understand the ins and outs of my remembered childhood and the adoptions of attitude from my parents I believed myself finally ready for a far more open encounter with love and understanding. The fall proved everything is possible between us and I've got a gem in this partner like none before. Though our third party has chosen to take all she learned through us and give another try at her former relationship...we have little to regret for we have an even deeper knowledge now of who we are as spirits and human beings. We wouldn't be together if it were not that way, but it is and I can say honestly say....we both understand why.
    

"The Blog" ..sort of akin to "the Blob"......where we expose our "monsters"

All comment made to you are mirror of your own thoughts. Though some seem to have been hiding behind 'shades'.....they were just beyond 'awareness' waiting to surge into the forefront again.

It is always difficult when one begins processing the pros & cons of where one is....was....and hopes to be. The 'shades' are comfortable places which we learn to draw from convoluted examples set by those we look up to. Sometimes the 'shades' become drawn so tight...that the only thing which helps to open them...is an 'independent review board'...such as a blog....one of the experiences many find in conversing with 'strangers'.
Some comments offer only sympathy which while comforting....merely serves the same old 'cup of coffee' because sympathy requires mere opinion.
Some comments offer empathy which requires comprehension of the situation in a 'fullness' based in experience....which has to contain a lot of hindsight.
Each aspect contributes simply because each is pertinent in different ways. Sympathetic is an interesting word when broken in two....sym or symbiosis........and pathetic or useless. Sympathetic words allow one to feel somewhat supported.....and we may recognize a "pathology" or what might be recognized as 'pathetic'.....in our attitude while reviewing another's words......which we hadn't seen clearly before. It is therein...that opportunity to learn from the situation and move into a new 'space' of attitude exists.
And, of course, this is where empathy becomes helpful. Empathy implies comprehension of a 'pathetic' or 'pathological' situation.In the study of other's empathic statements we can find inspiration.....which helps us adopt freer attitudes..


This is the way we grow in all ways...and always.